August 4, 2019
Debbie Louise Cannon
Do you ever feel like no matter what you are, you're never enough?
Do you feel that despite your friends not telling you this, that they see you as a burden and that you cannot tell them how you feel because you're afraid that it will affect your friendship?
Sometimes I do to.
Admitting I'm struggling is part of my journey and I can't be authentic if I don't admit when I'm struggling, so here it is.
For the past week or so I've been so down on myself that no matter what I've done socially, at work, or at home on my own, the feelings have almost been unbearable.
Self loathing, self doubt, self hatred. There are times when I wish that I wasn't me.
My life would be a whole lot easier.
The choice I've made to live as me wasn't a choice.
Despite what the TERFS, the bullshitters and the anti trans lobby will tell you, no one chooses this life.
I know that these feelings will pass but at times I've felt so overwhelmed that I've wanted to say fuck it all and just disappear.
But I can't.
As a parent I've hurt my child enough with the things I've already done, and if I checked out now it would be the utmost selfish act.
I also know that despite fucking hating myself right now, that these times will pass. I'm sitting here typing this and struggling to read due to the tears, but it's not deterring me from sharing this.
I'm not sharing this for sympathy, for people to contact me, or for any other reason other than to let you know even the brightest of stars are sometimes struggling to shine.
Writing this has helped get it out.... I've also been reluctant to write this in part because I'm afraid of judgement
But as a transgender female who's a lesbian I'm used to judgement.
I also know that in talking about struggling that it will help someone else.
Please be kind to everyone you meet. Even the ones who seem like they've got their shit together the most.
I guarantee you this. Most of them haven't.
Even the brightest stars sometimes struggle to shi...
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