November 18, 2018
Debbie Louise Cannon
I love being me.
I used to wake up full of dread for the day ahead.
I was hounded by strangers for being different.
People I'd never met before felt it ok to comment on how I looked, or how masculine I appeared.
I kept putting myself through situations that terrified me, because I'd made a choice to be authentic.
Getting on the bus and having others laugh at me.
Shopping and having people follow me around as they found me entertainment.
Having to be called, "Sir" - despite my best efforts to look as feminine as possible.
Removing my wigs so my own hair would grow and having people laughing at me.
Having to make a decision to remove my breast forms, because mine where starting to show and looking like I had nothing.
Having someone grab my private parts and telling me I was transitioning because I, "liked men" and that I was going to "sleep with him."
Getting snide looks when I was washing my hands at work, only to hear that someone had said, "What's a man doing using the ladies bathroom."
Feeling so anxious and out of control that I used bulimia as way of feeling like I had a grip on my reality.
Taking hormones from the internet because I feared my own GP wouldn't prescribe them.
Being stood up or abused on dating apps because I'm "trans."
Holding your child and knowing that you can't be the father that they need, because you know in your heart that you've never felt like you'd be able to a "proper dad."
Having a family who on the whole rejects you because they, "Don't want to see you like that, and you'd better not turn up here looking like that."
Waking up knowing that I don't have to pretend to be anyone else anymore.
Being someone who's confident in their authenticity.
People telling me, "You look beautiful today," having seen someone abuse me for no good reason.
Having the confidence to face my biggest fears, despite being crippled by the same ones for years.
Getting on the public transport and not caring what others say or do.
Shopping and having the strength to carry on irrespective of what others are looking at or saying behind my back.
Having people refer to me as Miss or Lady, holding doors open for me and offer for me to go before them.
Being able to have beautiful long hair and going to the hairdressers to have my hair done.
Being able to go for a bra fitting and not having to worry about breast forms.
Reporting abuse and hate crime to the police - because it gives you back control and takes away the power of the abuser.
Using the toilets without any fuss or harassment.
Finally feeling in control of my mind and body and enjoying it for all it's become.
Having a GP that's fully supportive and not having to take the risk of self prescription any longer.
Having the confidence to not allow my being transgender affect the way I look at dating and love and having had relationships.
Having an amazingly close, open and honest relationship with my child and teaching them that living you truth and being authentic is the key to your happiness and wellbeing.
Having friends in your life who are there for you in good times and bad. Who see you as a an authentic happy person and love you for who you really are.
You see when we start any journey the road to where we want to be is filled with difficulty, hardships, rejections and doubt.
You will absolutely fail your way to success.
The question is simple.
Do you really want this bad enough to go through all the difficult stuff?
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